Perhaps the most important detail of my own DIVORCE BY DESIGN is that my ex-husband and I still live together in the same house, along with his wife, our two teenagers, three dogs, and a bearded dragon. We're still a family, not broken, but fortified.

When my ex and I split up twelve years ago, no one moved out. And eventually, his girlfriend (now wife) moved in. Before your mind travels too far down the road it may be on, let me be clear—my life is not the kind of Big Love scenario you may be thinking it is. We occasionally make jokes about being sister wives, but my ex and I don't sleep together anymore; that part of our relationship is totally over. In fact, he once complained good-naturedly, "It's like I have two wives, with none of the fun!"

A few years after we separated, we put an addition on our house to make our arrangement more sustainable. I have a private apartment with my own front door, kitchen, living space, and staircase up to my bedroom, bathroom, and washer-dryer. My apartment connects to the rest of the house on both floors—to the dining room on the first floor and to the hallway on the second floor. My doors often stay open, and there's a lot of wandering between the spaces for a quick chat or to borrow something from one kitchen or the other. And when we want privacy or quiet, the doors close.

Having three parents involved means we can split the work of caring for home and family three ways. It gives us all a lot of flexibility—if one or two of us is away for a day, a night, or a week, there is always someone at home who can manage kid-, dog-, and house-related duties. Living and co- parenting together means I have ample time and flexibility to spend with friends, to date, or to be alone, to work late when I want or need to, to write, and to travel for business and pleasure. While we always spend holidays and special occasions together as a family, it’s quite rare that we eat other meals all together and often we eat in shifts. Sometimes we all socialize and even vacation together, but usually they do their thing (with or without the kids) and I do mine (with or without the kids as well.)

Maybe you're wondering how we got to this place, and that’s what DIVORCE BY DESIGN is about. It’s also about how you, too, can create a solution that’s better than either staying in an unhappy marriage or ending it in a way that tears everything apart. I’m not going to suggest that you should, or even could, do things the way we're doing them. Let's face it, lots of people think we're crazy, and maybe you do too. I don’t share our story because I think anyone will want to replicate it, but because it questions whether the traditional way of divorcing is the only way. (And it answers the question, too: it's not.)